Naming the Hurt and Granting forgiveness: Notes for today's Living in Faith at 2 and 7 p.m.

Tutu’s The Book of Forgiveness:

Naming the Hurt

What is the cost of dismissing a hurt, stuff it down, put it away, pretend it didn’t happen, telling ourselves we really shouldn’t feel the way we do? (pg. 96)

When our dignity if violated, it serves no on if we stuff the injury away in the closet.

Have to dig the hurt out at the roots.

When is it necessary to name the hurt?  How do I know when an injury must be named or shrugged off?

What are the costs of being wounded psychologically?

A psychological wound is harder to name. 

Pg. 100 the cost of never naming the hurt.

The role of grief: grief happens whenever we lose something that is precious to us. (p. 102).   Stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

Consider this: whether we are grieving the loss of a loved one, a marriage, a job, a treasured hope, or some other measure of self-worth, when we allow ourselves to feel the pain, we can quickly move to anger… the next step. (p. 103).

Getting in touch with pain and hurt.

What happens when we ignore pain…? (in general).. in our bodies?

In face of pain, we need to stop the “impulse to try to make it  better, to fix it, and to try to take her suffering away.” 

p. 111 Reclaiming our ability to feel. 

Granting Forgiveness

How to exercise the forgiveness muscle in the small daily acts of forgiveness that makes family life more than merely tolerable and give us access to joy as we walk in the world.

Using the Dalai Lama’s “giving and taking” meditation. Pg. 121

After tragedy, forgiveness has “allowed me to keep my heart open and soft. I chose to forgive because I knew that if I did not, the unforgiving world would have kept me closed and hardened inside. “ Pg. 124

Key: recognizing our shared humanity. A human life is a great mixture of goodness, beauty, cruelty, heartbreak, indifference, love, and so much more.

We are, every one of us, so very flawed and so very fragile.

True forgiveness:

Examples of people establishing a “veneer of peace that is more of an uneasy truce than a genuine forgiveness.” Pg. 128

How do we know when we grant forgiveness that we truly mean it?   Huge weight lifted, feeling of peace.  

Listening to the “shoulds” of forgiving. 

Growing through forgiveness.  We can’t circumvent the natural process.